Roommates.. Soulmates..?

Well its the beginning of a New Year and this time it happens to be the start of a new decade.. oh yes welcome 2010. Everyone's sure as hell excited...
I often wonder what is this deal with the New Year.. isn't it like any other day? Well perhaps not...it is about getting used to writing a new year in our dates you see..

Perhaps our obsession with this date lies in our desire for the things that we cant do - the desire to change whats past.. the desire to start things a fresh...
Well at least thats how it goes for me.. be it new years or a birthday... its a hope for things to be different... hope for things to be better.. hope for things to be the way you want them to be... ( well its a different story that i don't really know how exactly I want them to be!!).

So here's wishing one and all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
( yeah yeah i know this is stale now.. but hey its never too late to wish! )

Anyways so the other day I happened to get a few mails from my female (yes i emphasize on this word - if you knew me u'd know why! ) roommates from my US days. Now we have been out of touch since I left the States, which is quite some time now. ( though not in my heart.. sigh! :-( ..) So their mails in my inbox did take my by surprise. I think by now you get the point that we girls weren't really the best of friends, hell yeah we weren't even friends... we were ROOMMATES!

Growing up in Mumbai and having studied and lived in the city, I always had the luxury of living with family. The luxury of mom and dad taking care of all my things. The luxury of having things my own way in my own house. So much did I take it for granted that I never realized things would be any other way for me and I was anything but prepared to accept them in any other way!!

So, here I was, lying on this bed that I slept on for over 15 years, wide awake...my heart beating fast and my mind running through the last so many years of my life spent in this room that I called mine. It was this room that I took so totally for granted, the room where I shed all my inhibitions and pretense, where I was never hesitant or insecure. Attachment of a body and soul to a space!!

Not wanting to sleep, not attempting to sleep, I stared at my bags packed and stacked neatly in a row and then at my room. My mind kept wandering to the new house that I would go to... to my new companions... I was scared.. apprehensive. I dint know any of them. All I knew of was their names, their telephone nos. and the address.

Oh yes and one more thing - that they were vegetarians!!!!!

My friend tried to pacify me by saying that hey one of their names sounds stylish I am sure they are going to be fun... well yeah for sure.. if you say so!!!
Its amazing you know, being human how our insecurities make us cling so desperately to our hopes - like a lizard clinging strong to the wall. We try so hard to fool our selfs, to pacify our apprehensive heart... to give ourself's some reason and try hard to believe it... ahh Hope so much we do for thee!!

So here I was, with two suitcases and a handbag standing in front of a door and staring down at the chit in my hand which led to me to this door.

The door that would open into my new home for a good few months from now.

The door was anything but what I expected it to be! It had a 'toran' hanging loosely over its head with pictures of goddess lakshmi smiling down at me. I dint smile back at her.

With a huge prayer in my heart I finally managed to ring the bell.

There she was standing.. a slim tall girl with a somewhat pretentious smile.. she welcomed me in..

I received a red carpet greeting at the entrance!!!!!

Yes, our walkway had a red carpet laid down with it walls adorned with pictures of the hindu chants, the holy godesses and Ohms!!

The room was spick and span and there sat smailing my two new roommates.. Miss R the tall petite one with a soft voice and Miss M with the stylish name...A lil later we were joined by another girl.. Miss J, a sardarni with a super loud voice! She too arrived the same day as me and was to join us as the fourth pillar of the house..

So here we were, 4 girls on a couch smiling at one other...
pause.....awkward silence....fake smiles.....pause.....4 faces staring at different corners of the room....random eye contact....pause..more fake smiles.....pause........the same old cliche'd introductory questions.....pause.....more awkward silence.... finally lame excuses and everyone moves into their own room/space.

Empty couch and an empty coffee table...

We settled down.
Empty hangers....
tags pulled, flaps pushed, hands sorting, pulling, unzipping and unbuttoning,
piling and unpiling....
toileteries in place ( some hidden and some on display!! )...cutlery in place..
mom's home made ladoos possesively stacked away...
clothes on hangers, hangers on rod, rod in the closet..

and I was all set and selleted.

and then it all started...

1.) Oh I think you are not aware,we have a 5th roommate to accommodate...
Hell yeah.. I am not aware coz u never chose to inform me in the first place!

2.) Then came the long timetable! 9-5 routine was bad enuf!!

Monday: cooking and dishes
Tuesday: Garbage and posts
Wednesday: Vacuuming the room
Thursday:Laundry
Friday:Toilet and dish washer cleaning
Saturday: Dusting and cooking unit cleaning
Sunday: Grocery shopping and fridge cleaning!

PHEW!!!
And along with the timetable came the innumerable confusions and fights..

:Oh I cooked last to last to last to last to last Wednesday...
:Was it my turn to pick the post..? oh i thought it was Miss X's
:Aww i forgot to get your juice and yogurt during grocery.... Sorry!
:I did not use this spoon.. i aint cleaning it!!!!!!!!!
:I forgot that your clothes are still lying in the washing machine!
:I accidently threw your magazines while dusting the table!!
:Ooops! u shampoo spilled into the sink while i was cleaning it...
etc....etc.....etc.....etc.....

I was to share my room and bath with Miss M.

Living with someone is an altogether different experience in itself, specially more so when you happen to share a private space such as your bedroom and bath with that person. I and Miss M never really bonded. Our bond was restricted to the hot cup of tea that I made for her every morning. We never shared.. we never discussed.. we never opened up to each other...we were different personlities...as different as chalk and cheese.....and yet there is so much that I knew about her and perhaps she bout me...

all this just by the virtue of a shared space you share.....

You overhear her fights with her fiancee, u overhear the abuses, u silently overhear her take out her frustration and hurt by throwing things and at times screaming out.. you overhear her silently crying alone in her bed after the fight, hoping that you are asleep and unaware of her pain... you pretend to ignore her so as to not make her vulnerable. You know every gossip and event of her family...you know her excitement as she awaits a package from her beloved, you know her nervousness as she cries over her lost wallet, you know her attachment as all she wants back from her wallet is the $10 note given to her by her mother-in-law on her engagement.....you see her mood slip at those times of the month....you know when she is starting to get irritated or annoying by the line folds of her forehead... you know what lingerie she would wear tommorow as you see them peeping naughtily through the piles of her clothers stacked neatly for next morning, you know what perfume she has used today as you walk into the shower after she is done and you know you are angry and irritated when you see it wrapped in a plastic, hidden behind the shower curtain which she has conveniently forgotten to dispose away... once again!!!!

Come to think of it... knowing someone is really all about knowing these many small things about the person...its not always words or thoughts that need to be exchanged to know a person.. One's actions and reactions during ones most vulnerable times perhaps paints the person in a more truer color than the persons rational chain of thought...

Miss M left US a month before me. The day she was to leave, I came home in the afternoon and made her a last cup of tea...
We sipped the tea in silence, I hugged her and saw my reflection in her moist eyes.
I said goodbye and turned away.
As I walked back into life's routine somewhere a corner of my heart felt heavy.

Some one asked me if Miss M was my soulmate in US....
No she wasnt. She was my roommate.. a roommate who I knew well!