1985 to 2010!
25 years that have slowly crept by me....perhaps not entirely slowly though..
at times it was draggingly boringly, monotonously slow...at times it excitedly galloped past me, sometimes it set the comfortable pace of the waltz ,sometimes it had an anxious, nervous sprint and at some other times, it simply whizzed past me like super mama of a mean machine!
Suddenly so much seems to have changed in these years...and I am left wondering when and how did all this change happen?
I have changed, my needs have changed, my likes and dislikes have changed, my social life has changed, my closeness has changed, my distances have changed, my inspirations have changed,my dreams have changed, my expectations have changed, what makes my happy has changed, what makes me sad and angry has changed, my body has changed, my mind has changed, my heart has changed,my soul.......well....guess somethings still unchanged...
Having lived through school, college, graduation, office, hobby classes, isn't one supposed to have a bigger, better, diverse social life?
Why then are most of us still struggling with a shrinking social circle? Why does the world suddenly seem to make much less sense? Why is there a struggle to find meaningful companions? I often wonder why does it feel so easy to talk, share and open up to strangers? Why are random conversations suddenly more preferred? Why is there a sense of longing, loneliness and search for peace in a room full of so called friends?
The anti social bug seems to spreading itself with vengeance in me! I suddenly prefer dates and appointments with my books and movies over socials. My parents are of course worried... and can perhaps think of only one solution.....(com'on its not too hard to guess what!!)
After four years of work, the thrill of buying "work pants", power dressing for work, making an impression and shotting out important and urgent sounding emails after a double spell check seems to have faded out of my system.
I hope that this is a rut that I am stuck into and that this 'phase' would pass....
My mind reflects back to the spring with it memories of college, romance and graduations!
I grow up with this feeling that I now need to invest in myself.
I decide to do something about it...decide to quit, take a break, , go back to college,learn something new, experience living in another country... but I have a sinking feeling that this 'phase' would return and perhaps next time I might not have the luxury of a break!
I look around and see so many like myself, this whole bunch of restless 25 somethings. I hear the reverberations of their thudding heartbeat, the the pandemonium of their random thoughts, the unsynchronized strumming of their chaotic feelings, emotions and desires, their screaming desire to find their calling, to be something...strong, powerful, rich and famous and happy. I hear their struggle to break through the rigid bored monotony.....
The struggle perhaps is nothing more than the desire to figure it all out... to move up and on and beyond and eventually to settle down into something that you hope you could commit to forever!
I often wonder if I am taking the right step, making a smart move, have the right criteria's for that 'perfectt' guy....the more I think of it, the more I realize that perhaps I may not entirely know what I really want but I sure as hell know what I don't!! Perhaps I am getting wiser.... perhaps I am just growing up!!!
Well growing up is a good thing, but do you what I hate about growing up? I hate this 'used to' feeling! that comes along with it!!
It's so sad that life takes us from,having those near perfect moments with the one we think we'll love forever,to,those moments when we become more 'used to' with those very moments (which earlier made us all weak and vulnerable).But then I think, at times this very change makes us appreciate some other emotion which we would'nt have experienced or appreciated.
Unfortunately life does have this annoying habit to MOVE on!!
